So an important man in your life has asked you to be his best man despite that fact you have a vagina. First off, CONGRATULATIONS! Congratulations on your best friend/brother/cousin/whoever getting married, congratulations for being so awesome, congratulations on having such a special relationship that this guy has picked you over anyone else to share one of the most important days of his life with you.
But what exactly are you getting yourself into?
Here are some pieces of advice and items to consider…
- Pick a fun name for yourself that distinctly fits your relationship with the groom. Nothing is fun about “Best WOman.” The emphasis on gender is going to plague you (quietly, but other times blaringly) over the next few months. Pick something you are proud to call yourself.
- Don’t give in to being “one of the guys.” Accentuate your femininity. If that means wear a dress, wear a dress. Feeling a little bit more masculine, find a cute pant or skirt suit. Do what is distinctly you. Same goes for male maids-of-honor…no, he doesn’t have to wear a dress, but wearing the same color as the bridesmaids would tie everyone together.
- Clear up gendered confusion right away. This was one of the biggest points of confusion in this wedding. Some brides/grooms don’t want to split the party by gender, but rather by sides. Make sure the entire wedding party is on the same page in regards to this. Should the bride’s brother be contacting the Maid-of-Honor or the Best Man about tux rentals? Does the groom’s sister contribute money to the bachelor or bachelorette party? Sit down with the bride, groom, and their respective attendants (MOH, Best Man, or whatever the fuck they decide) and figure out all of that up front.
- Get to know the bride. Everyone has a different relationship with their marrying couple. For me, I am lucky enough to be quite close to the bride - even moreso now that we are tackling this wedding stuff together. Regardless of your relationship to the bride (or whether you are male, female, best man, or groomsman), you should make sure the bride feels included in your relationship with the groom and your enthusiasm for her happy day, as well as your bro’s, is clear. If you have never met her before or only a handful of times, make sure you make her feel supported. The best way to do this?
- Be responsive to wedding correspondance. It doesn’t matter who is emailing, calling, texting, or paging you, REPLY!!! The most stressful thing for those involved in wedding planning is an unresponsive wedding party. Sometimes all they need to know is your size for wedding attire or opinion on a decision. If the bride keeps texting you and you have a shit phone, tell her you would rather be emailed. Communication is key. Don’t be an asshole.
**DISCLAIMER: The wedding I am currently partaking in is between a cisgender, heterosexual couple. However, this advice is applicable to weddings involving all genders, sexes, and identities. I do not mean to ignore other marrying couples or be heterosexist, but am rather speaking from my experience in a heterosexual wedding.